I was at home resting one day, and suddenly decided to be a curious shit head and read his previous blog.I wished I hadn't read it. Now I am feeling annoyed. *deletes the link from my bookmark* Yes, deleted.

Work related:

So, today marks the day when my Career Benefit I have done in FY 2011 has gone to waste. I know what have I not done to maintain it. (not that I will need it in near future,  but still)

I WORKED DAMN HARD FOR IT. I ran and ran after it, non stop, overcoming my fears and insecurity and finally managed to achieve it.

And right now, it's all gone because I didn't work hard enough. Yes. It's all my fault. I have failed to work harder. I am quite upset over it. Now that taught me a real hard lesson on consistency.

What the fug man.

Just gonna work harder.

Here I come.

This is, a special date this year.

Those who know me from the past might congratulate me for moving forward. Those who don't know me from the past....shouldnt even know about it yet?

Those who had left me, I am so sorry to neglect you.

I am really thankful that I manage to find someone who is able to accept me who I am. Of course, I don't really have any expectations or don't really dare to have any. In case of 'anything'.

It's a tough journey for us now, I hope it would become better within 1-2 years time.

It was enjoyable, going away over the weekend with my family. My only regret was that I have to return to work on sunday night. I love the express train to the airport. It gave me time to sit down, think and look over the scenery.

I dozed off on the train...I was really tired I guess.

I guess I won't be going to Malaysia until June, when I will be going over there to meet one of my prospects.

So this was what I did mainly in KL Sentral:
1) Stole Wifi from starbucks
2) Stole somemore Wifi from Starbucks.
3) Walked around the Sungei Wang place and checking out those fake branded goods( No, I didn't buy any)
4) Whore Japanese Maneki neko @ Pavilion, Tokyo Street.
5) Whored Japanese food at the same place as above
6) WENT TO CUT HAIR-the hair stylist was darn good. I love it.
7) Soaked in the bath tub.
8) Emo-ing

It was a really fun trip. The food there is cheap and really delicious.

And....
I think I am going to give up waiting for him soon. That's one.

When I was at the airport alone, waiting for my flight...I received a message from my bestie.
It was a really hurtful message, and it really came at the wrong time.

And at the moment, I am feeling emotionally drained, my body ached physically.
I wonder what have I done so wrong exactly that people around me start treating me this way.
Of course, I am not 17 years old now, where I need people to be with me.
Hence, although I felt really sad and teared a bit when I receive the message, I couldn't cry out loud.
Maybe because I was once hurt a lot more. But she made it deeper only.

Although I am a strong girl, I am not someone who is made of iron. I really hope people would stop treating me like one.
Sometimes I just act strong only.

Right now, I am still recovering. I am quite sure I will heal soon...soon.

Being in this line of work, I feel that I see all sort of people. Maybe 10 years down the road, i will probably still feel the same.
In this line, I feel that the most important thing is support. I am lacking that support. When I am doing well, everyone in my family smiles at me and don't question my whereabouts. But recently, I have not been doing my best (I admit that)...but i still need that support.

And honestly speaking. i am fucking tired.

Period.

I wonder if it's possible to manage family pressure, work stress and all that crap together. To be honest, I am barely hanging on at times.

I am quite close to breaking point.

Woke up at 3am to find myself puking yesterday's dinner. Twice.

After all the food was puked out, i started vomiting my gastric juices...and then bile.

It was disgusting and it hurt like shit. I couldn't move at all...and I vomited a few times within a short span of time.

My boss asked me to go to the hospital..saying I am vomiting so badly, still wanna go see a GP.

Fine. So i went. It wasn't cheap.

And when I came back, my boss SMS-ed me about work. Seems like work doesn't stop even if I am puking my guts out huh.

At times like this, I wish someone was by my side. Falling sick and alone in a house sucks. But I am used to it so it should be okay.

I literally slept the whole day. Somehow my fever isn't going down, and my tummy and head aches like crap.

Sigh. I want to get better soon.